Meredith Blake

"Extra slutty tonight"

"The calamari here is about as useful as a monkey with a screwdriver."

"My server said our table was made from a piece of salvaged drift wood, but I totally saw the Ethan Allan stamp underneath! I don't even think their fair trade organic chai is certified!"

"The bum that sleeps under the giant Bud Light golf umbrella will play his trumpet if you give him some change."

"...but plenty of useless junk"

"All out of Christmas trees!!!"